new job?

i woke up at 4 this morning and got ready, i called lyft and met my job coach at my training. it took a while for me to even get called back to the kitchen area to train. the old guy who was training me said to me, "huh. i seen you sitting out there at about 5:30.. just waiting.. you could've came back here and started then!" then i said, "well i didn't want you guys to assume i was rude or too anxious.. so i never said anything." i'm really not sure if this is the right job for me, i could do it but it'd take a while to catch on and i had the wrong pants on today- so they were too fuckin long because i'm fucked with my damn height THANKS TO GENES, so i was trying not to trip over them (i had rolled them up but they kept coming unrolled) and i didn't put on a damn belt.. so i had to keep pulling them up in addition. i'm not really even sure this is the type of job i want to work specifically because it may be too physical and we work putting things away in a kitchen. i could've sworn that someone texted me about an interview on friday, so i wrote it on my calendar but i can't find the text message- so i'm not sure if they canceled it but i forgot to take it off my calendar? now that i match up the text message with my calendar, i see they canceled it. the guy who was training me today looked at me and said, "you sure you're gonna be able to do this job?" and i immediately got frustrated because everyone assumes i can't do things without giving me a chance. then he said, "well alright. then we'll see." so he took me back in the kitchen and told me where they put some dishes and what he turns the ovens on.. i just hope i don't hurt myself- so i'm not sure they'll keep me employed there but this is also taking caution after going there with the wrong kind of pants on. just have to do this shit again tomorrow and see. i SHOULD have pants that i don't trip on. i need to try my best to reel this job in, so i can show people i'm capable of working in a hotel.. but my job coach said i should keep the job i volunteer at also. i might be kinda tired on thursdays because i'd be working the hotel job AND volunteering at sabathani in the afternoon. that's what the concerta is for i suppose.
i also received an email from my case manager asking me how she thought i was registered with a driving program that would assist me with getting my license. now that i rethink it- the only thing i can remember is the last driving instructor telling me i was safe to drive- i just needed to get a vehicle to take the behind-the-wheel test with to get my license.. i told brian (because he was my trustee at that time) and he told me that he didn't feel comfortable buying a vehicle for an un-licensed driver. HE is NOT "comfortable" buying ME a vehicle with MY own money is what i translated from that. thanks for nothing. good thing i have a new lady taking care of my money to ACTUALLY HELP ME become successful with my life. i just hope she doesn't lean on brian's ignorance of handling my money to assist me to buy a vehicle so that i can be an able, successful person who doesn't need to depend on others for something i CAN do. my case manager has been advocating for me so that i can have the opportunities to be able to actually help myself the way i'm TRULY capable of doing things.. UNLIKE a CERTAIN ENTITLED COUSIN who was expected to help me. takes too much time and effort for her to show "care" for me. whatever. that's why i'm going to refuse to look BACK when i'm trying to progress and get things done. "LOOKING BACK" which consists of including family members who only pay attention to me at their own convenience and benefit- so i'll be IGNORING my mom and amanda- which is probably to amanda's satisfaction. now at 12:30, i'm getting my eyeliner retattood on. i've had my eyeliner tattoo'd on at least three or four times in my life- you can't really tell. hopefully this will be more evident and last longer.